The Tangrens

**Warning: Really long and wordy mostly written so I can remember the details of the potty training process with Hyrum. Little boy bare bum pictures too**

Seems like just months ago Derek was typing the "Adventures in Parenting" post. Those were simpler times.

So in the morning of Thursday April 29th I noticed that Hyrum had slipped off his diaper...again. This time I decided to not put it back on him until he asked me to or something happened.

To this point we hadn't been able to prevail upon him to even sit on the potty once. One time I'd tried to get him to sit on it when he'd come to me with a worried face while bare bummed asking for a diaper. The idea was refused rather resolutely so I figured we needed to warm him up to it when it wasn't urgent. That didn't work either.

I was lamenting in an email to a friend how addicted to computer games and television programs (albeit educational computer games and programs) he was but that I just couldn't think of many other things for him to do while I attended to his brother. It was while I was typing this email that Hyrum walked up and began wetting on the floor. I said "No Hyrum! Let's go to the potty!" and ran with him toward the bathroom. He actually got on the potty this time and stayed there waiting excitedly. I began to tell him that if he went to the bathroom on the potty that he could play the Wii and play computer games. ( we hadn't turned on his computer that day yet despite his requests) Well, he was really excited about that and I was really excited that his healthy addictions were going to be put to good use. He stayed dry for most of the day that day but he didn't go on the potty either. While I was down putting in laundry he let loose on the couch. Apparently he'd been just storing up. We'd busted out the Spiderman undies we'd gotten for him for easter when we set all this in motion

but they didn't last long. He preferred to be Au Natural.

The next day I went to the store to get pull ups ( yeah hadn't really thought out this attempt) for the night time since I'd heard they needed them at night for awhile. Hyrum had been waking up dry for months but with him reluctant to going during the day I was sure that he'd need them at night now. He seemed more comfortable with the idea of going on the potty and periodically would go and sit on the potty. In an attempt to get him to stay longer and have some success I put some books in the bathroom ( some of his favorites ) that were only to be read when he was making the attempt.

It became a family affair.

I also decided that in an attempt to get him to have him try more that I'd offer him one Skittle every time he tried. But that when the Skittles were gone he'd have to actually go before I'd put more in the cup. But when he did go then he'd get all the Skittles in the cup.

But all of this was fruitless. He spent all of his time at home in the buff and we'd put him in pull ups to go anywhere or whenever anyone would come over. I began to think that Noah would be potty trained before Hyrum would because he gets so upset when he has a wet or dirty diaper. Hyrum never really cared.

By Saturday he'd only succeeded in tooting in the potty. He begged to play the Wii or computer games to the point that it felt more like a punishment than a reward. I wanted him to have success in the worst way. Then he would know that it wasn't so bad and that it was an easy thing to do with great rewards. Derek had talked about using Cherrios as target practice and making it a game. I thought that was a great idea and we gave it a try. We only had Froot Loops so we used those since they were bigger anyway and would be easier to hit.

Derek took a cup of them in with him and he and Hyrum set out to play the game. But the plan backfired when Derek tossed them into the toilet. Hyrum became panicked screaming "MY TREATS! MY TREATS!" It was ugly. That technique was not going to work.

That night as we got him ready for his bath we could tell that he needed to go but would not sit on the potty. We were all frantic, us wanting him to have success and him wanting to make it till he had the pull ups on to go. As we tried to get him to stay in the bathroom he began to go and Derek quickly put him up on the potty as he cried. But he was doing it and stayed on the potty. We were so excited and he was excited to especially that he could play the Wii. It was passed his bedtime but I didn't care. He needed the reward for his triumph.

The next day Sunday he went to church in pull ups after wetting on the floor in the bathroom when I'd told him not to go potty while I bathed Noah. He ran for the bathroom when he knew that I'd be occupied with his brother. I began to wonder if he wanted to do this on his own. We had dinner guests after church and he was put in pull ups again. I began to realize that he saw pull ups as diapers. We also treated him differently when he wore pull ups as opposed to being in the buff. We treated him like he was in diapers. I started to wonder if maybe pull ups were not the answer. That night as we were getting him ready for his bath we knew that he needed to go to the bathroom and not the kind he'd done thus far on the potty. He was screaming bloody murder every time we tried to put him on the potty to the point we were really beginning to think we might be traumatizing him. So we put him in pull ups and let him do his thing.

The next day he wouldn't even go in the bathroom much less sit on the potty. I didn't know what to do. Do we just give up? Was he not ready? Had we seriously damaged him? Should we just put him in pull ups until he's ready to try again? I was stuck. That day he spent the majority of it half naked as usual. When I went to take a shower I told him not to go to the potty while I was in the shower thinking maybe that would encourage him to go into the bathroom again like he did the last time I told him not to go. Well he went...on our bed....to the mattress. That night he was drinking a lot of soda. I thought if there was any night that he wasn't going to wake up dry it was going to be this night. We put him in pull ups when he went to sleep. That night my friend told me about a technique that she had been using with her son that had worked for him. It resonated with me so I decided to try it.

Tuesday May 4th ( May the 4th! he he) I changed tack. In the morning he woke up dry but then after presidency meeting he had a dirty pull up. I sat down with him and said "Hyrum this is your body and your yellow water and poo. That belongs in the potty chair so it is your job to get it in there. If you don't get it in the potty chair you will have to clean it up." He seemed to understand that so I put him in undies and clothes and relaxed. Up until this time he had defied me in everything. Since I was trying to control his potty life, he tried to control the rest of his life. He would do NOTHING I asked him to. It was a very contentious house. The first thing I did was tell him to take care of his dirty pull up and put his poo in the toilet where it belonged. He was very excited to do that. The day went on and he was such a pleasant person to be around. We both relaxed.

Later that day we were having a pleasant kitchen floor picnic and he had an accident. I didn't get upset or alarmed. I just said "Ok Hyrum lets go put your undies and pants and these blankets in the washer. He scooped them up and happily took them down to the washer. It did a lot for my stress level to see him cleaning it up himself.

Then we cleaned up the kitchen floor.

A little later he had another accident and we went through the same routine again, rinse out undies take them down to the laundry etc. He was way too excited to do laundry. I was convinced that he'd be able to do his own laundry before he was potty trained. But laundry is a good skill to have too, right?

This time he refused to put his pants back on and just ran around in his undies. When Dad got home he was so excited to show him what he'd been doing today that he promptly had another accident. We went through the whole process again. But this time we changed over laundry too.

After that he refused to even put undies on again. I worried that he was getting wise to me and figuring out that the less clothes he had on the less he had to clean.

We were playing downstairs when he began to wiggle and dance. We asked if he needed to go potty but he said no and continued to wiggle. We told him that this is what it feels like to need to go so we all ran up the stairs and to the potty. He sat down and went...of his own free will and choice!! The first thing he said was "I get to play Wii?!?" And he did after eating his Skittles.

The next day he had three accidents taking care of each of them in turn. I wasn't discouraged though . I knew that his willing to do it was more than half the battle and the recognition of when he needed to go would come. But that night when Dad got home he went again of his own free will. We went to Deseret Book to get things for our Mothers and I saw Derek and Hyrum running off toward the bathrooms. " That's not going to work. There's no way he'll go here." I thought. But I wasn't too worried because I kept an extra pair of undies and pants in my bag. But a little later I see them walking back into the store. I asked if he'd gone and he had!! This was major in my mind.

The next day Thursday again we went to a play date at a friends house. I was a bit nervous and put him in the most absorbent pants I could. He played and played and then as we were leaving I felt that he was a little wet so I had him go to the potty and he went! I really felt like we were making some huge strides. He may have even jump started his friend Addy to potty train since he was calling for her the whole time he was on the potty to come look.

The next day he went to the potty without encouragement. He just stripped down and went. Unfortunately he doesn't wait till he's in the bathroom to disrobe but just drops his pants at the first signal that he needs to go and then goes running. Luckily at least sometimes its' on the way.

I really feared that #2 would be the really hard one. He gets upset about that as it is from time to time and just holds it until it becomes a problem. But in the evening of May 7th he did stinky's on the potty!! It was a challenge to get him to stay on the potty long enough to let it come but he was SOOO proud of himself when he did it. He threw his hands in the air and shouted " I DID IT!! I DID IT!!" He was also DRY ALL DAY LONG!!!

We were so proud of him too. The next day Saturday we were headed home but decided to stop at Sam's club to grab a few things. Hyrum insisted that we go home and we figured it was because he needed to go to the bathroom. We asked him if he needed to and of course he said "No" Right before we were gettign ready to leave though he started to disrobe. Derek tried to get his clothes back on but he said "Yellow water is coming" I quickly grabbed his hand and ran him through the store. As we streaked through the check out lines he exclaimed "YYYYEEEELLLLLLLOOOOOWWWW WWWAAAATTTTEEEERRR!!!!!!" We didn't make it in time. I really think he didn't know they had a bathroom so he tried to hold it until he got home.

After that we felt the need to limit the time he spent on the Wii because we felt like we were playing it all the time and he would go just so he could play the Wii. He would get on the potty and squeeze a tiny bit out and say. "Let's go play Wii" We decided 15 minutes for #1 and a little longer for #2. We were beginning to feel very confident in his progress. I really felt like he was potty trained. I figured he may still have a few accidents from time to time but that the worst was over.

Until today. He was playing computer games in the green room (something I hadn't let him do since we started this process) and I knew he needed to go but would sit on the potty for 3 seconds and then say it wasn't working. Then he'd refuse to get back on. I tried my best to let him try it on his own and leave him alone so it didn't become a power struggle again. I even saw him slip in there a few times to try. Then he came in to me and said that he went stinkys. I asked where. "In the green room" UHG! We went in to look and sure enough there it was on the floor. I went to get paper towel for him to clean up which he did. Then I noticed other little deposits around the house where the moment moved him. He cleaned them up as well. Then we ran to the store for carpet cleaner.

So #2 isn't as sufficiently potty trained as I thought but that will come I'm sure. And I feel every confidence in putting away the diapers and pull ups. We're not going back there again. But I'll probably keep an extra pair of undies and pants in my bag for a few weeks to a month or two longer and we possibly will need carpet cleaner a bit longer too. But let's hope not.